That is ridiculously inappropriate. Who exactly is cleaning this up?

Looks like we got a few newbies in, so guess what time it is?

Yes, it's that time.

Check-up time. Yes, this means everyone. I know you're all thrilled.

Swing by my office, any time of day or night within the next week. Shouldn't take more than a half an hour. And yes, there will be candy.

(Juugo, I'll come by your station, as per usual.)

I'm back in the office if anyone needs me.

I'm taking some time off. Try the front desk if there's an emergency.

Private to Ino Yamanaka -

Please come to exam room 3 this afternoon around 4pm. It's nothing to worry about, as your physician here I just want to ask you a few questions and make sure you're doing alright. Anyone you ask could tell you where the exam rooms are, or I can come by your room and pick you up. If you'd like to bring a friend, that's perfectly fine.

Dr. Iruka Umino

Beginning of the year physical time!

All employees - researchers, guinea pigs, instructors, everybody - need to make time and schedule an exam with me within the next three weeks. Expect it to take about 45 minutes on average; if you're a real weirdo, plan a little longer. I know there are at least one or two new people I have yet to get my hands on - you'll need to fill out some paperwork for me, so you'll take a little longer as well.

Also - if you have any specific problems or questions you want to bring up, write it down. I am not psychic, and your memory is not infallible and taking thirty seconds (or longer if you're a real weirdo) to jot something down can make things a lot easier on all of me us.

As per my usual, there are no office hours. Schedule the appointment whenever you need to, any time of day or night. If you expect to be on a mission, in another dimension, or hibernating or somesuch for the next three weeks, please come talk to me beforehand and we'll figure something out.

Lollipops will be provided, but only if you cry.

Yes, Naruto, this means you.

Oh, latrines. Why do hate me so?

Oy. :P

My late grandmother used to tan my hide for saying this, but when I was a kid, Christmas kicked Hanukkah's ass. But these days? Six of one, half dozen of the other. Not saying they mean the same things, really, but in the end it all comes down to good feelings toward the rest of humanity. Well. It's supposed too, anyway. Peace and love and all that.

Which is why I will not storm the offices of the gutless fascist douchebags gracious people at the Standard Ops Department for suddenly requiring sixty days notice (instead of thirty) and approval from from the Regulations Committee (really, now) before we're allowed to "present any blatantly religious signs, symbols, or regalia in or around Sector Grounds." I'm certainly not about to set off a flea bomb in their coat closet simply because they informed me that "a small, unlighted lapel pin" is considered an "adequate personal display of religious affinity." They're just doing their jobs and are clearly a "bunch of bastards."

( [Private to the kiddies (and Asuma if he's going to pout like that.] )

It's that time of year!

Mandatory flu shots for all employees and residents of the facility. I realize it's a little bit late in the season, but it's not easy modifying the vaccinations to the point where we have something that works reliably for all of you weirdos.

I need everyone to come by my lab within the next week for a shot when you have five or ten minutes to spare - I'll be there all hours, and no appointments are necessary for the shot.

And I do mean everyone.

Naruto, this means you!

I am going home.

I will be back when I am well.

If I find out that either Naruto or Juugo has put a single toe out of line, there will be Hell to pay.

I would appreciate not hearing from any of you unless it is a dire emergency.

( Private to Asuma )

I'm gonna be out for a few days. If anyone needs me, the front desk has my home number.

( Private )

I'm taking pizza requests for Ino's birthday. The woman of the hour gets first priority, of course, but since I'll be picking up enough for everyone, we'll try to make everyone happy.

Try being the operative word, here. If I say "no" I mean "no."

Yes, that means you, Naruto.

Requests so far:

Extra cheese
Anchovies
Extra meat
Pineapple
Turkey
Hotsauce (on the side)
Olives
Peppers
Spinach
Mushrooms
Wheat crust

ETA: Apparently some movies need to happen as well.
The list so far:

Hercules
The Lion King
Iron Man
Hellboy I & II
300
Lord of the Rings
Attack of the Killer Tomatos
The Little Mermaid (Yes, I own this one. Shut up.)
Whatever old-ass cartoons "Papi" comes up with
The Tick
Office Space
Better Off Dead

Heads up everyone!

As some of you may have heard, your Head Physician, Dr. Marsh, has been lax in his duties for some time, now, and as of yesterday has been let go. I want to make it clear that, unlike my predecessor, I will be keeping a very close eye on each and every one of you. As those of you who know me from Leaf can attest, I do not miss much.

To get things rolling, all patients must report to me by the end of today to schedule a complete check up, with one exception:

NARUTO UZUMAKI. You will report to Med Room 3 at 0530 tomorrow morning. I have it on good authority that your sodium intake is far exceeding your daily allotment. I expect this to be remedied immediately.

I am looking forward to working with all of you. Your cooperation is much appreciated.

-Iruka Umino, MD